It's the end of January

I've managed to hold my 5 days of VLCD this month, ended yesterday. The last day was really difficult. I kept fantasizing about food, my neighbors cooked something that smelled really delicious and I felt annoyed. But it's done now, began my day today by eating porridge, had some wok for lunch and am now planning on going to town with my laptop, eat a salad and write some.

I've been really busy this December and January with a project I made with my friends. We did a video parody of soap operas mixed with some Film Noir style. It was so much fun to do, and I'm really proud of the end result, but it sure did take a lot of energy to do it. Fortunately there were two of us who took charge of the thing, so I didn't have to do all by myself, but still, I was the director and the editor, so the majority of the work did land on my shoulders.

January was a hard month for me, harder than I expected. Nothing overwhelming, but I did find it harder to monitor my eating, when so many thing seemed to go wrong / stress me out. For instance, I got a wedding invitation, which in itself would have been nice, but the groom is my ex-boyfriend and the bride used to be one of my closest friends. They started dating 2 weeks after we broke up, and the interest was clear while we were dating. It was actually one of the reasons I dumped him, because I realized they were interested in each other.

It's been... 6 years, but I still find it hard to forgive her. With my ex, we talked it out back then and we're fine, but my friend never apologized to me or showed any kind of remorse for making me feel miserable and worthless. So when I got the invitation I contemplated for a while, feeling some kind of morbid fascination to see the whole shebang, but thanks to my mom, soon realized I'd only be ripping open old wounds and make myself miserable. So I'm not going.

On top of all that fun, I've been sick, over stressed and tired. So I had all the chances to spiral into a bingeing craze, but fortunately I didn't. So as of this morning, my weight is at a reasonable 121 kg's. Hope that next month I can tell you it's under 120.

Shopping in Warsaw

I spent last weekend with my sister in Warsaw, and it was awesome! It's a beautiful, beautiful city, a little run down and ruged, but I think that just added to its charms. You could see the history, the damage the war and communism had done to the city, but still it wasn't depressing or falling down.

Unfortunately the weather wasn't the best during our stay, so we spent most of our time shopping in Zlote Tarasy shopping center www.zlotetarasy.pl/en, and we had a lot of fun! It's a modern, beautiful shopping mall, with an easy to get around floor plan.

Our initial idea was to shop for luxury make-up (M.A.C., Dior, Chanel), but as it turns out, they're cheaper in Finland than they are in Poland! Who knew? I mean, they're really expensive in Finland, but even more so in Poland!

So, it was a bit of a let down, but fortunately we decided to check out Inglot www.inglotcosmetics.com, thinking that it being a Polish brand, they might be cheaper there, and so they were! A 5 pan freedom palette* cost about 15€, in Finland you'd pay for it about 28€. So, we went a bit nuts... I bought two 5 pan palettes (sure I could have bought a 10 pan palette, but I like the 5 pan ones better), two gel eyeliners, one nail polish, one lip gloss and one loose eyeshadow. All these together were about 60€, which in Finland would have got me just the palettes.

*In case you don't know what a freedom palette is, it's this genious system, where you can pick out any eye shadow, lip colour, concealer, blush, face powder or eyebrow wax and combine them into a palette. So you get to choose the perfect colours for you! I absolutely love these, I have now four palettes with eye shadows, and they're awesome! Highly pigmented and I'd claim they're really close to M.A.C. in their quality!

So to all who are thinking about going to Warsaw, I can warmly recomend it! It's a beautiful city with cheap taxi's, hotels and restaurants. Our stay at Sheraton Hotel (five stars) was around 250€ for three nights per room, the taxi from airport was 50PLN, so around 15€ and from our hotel to the shopping center about 10PLN, so around 3€...

Oh, by the way, it is advisable to make sure before you get into a taxi that it is a safe one, they have different companies, and some may screw you over, or so we were told. The ones we used were Ele, Sawa Taxi, MPT Radio Taxi and Merc Taxi.

10 things to do before I'm 40

As I mentioned in the last post, I just turned 30. A day before my birthday, one of my friends asked if I'd completed my list of 10 things to do before I'm 30. Since I hadn't made such a list, my answer was no. So I decided to make a list to do before I'm 40! I've got a whole decade to accomplish these in, so I hope I'll make it!

1. Rent a house / apartment for a month in Italy or Spain, and spend it exploring the country and writing
2. Visit Venice
3. Visit Egypt
4. Visit Paris in the spring time
5. Visit Jane Austen's home and spend time in the UK visiting the scenery where Pride And Prejudice (1995) was filmed
6. Write a book, that is both funny and meaningful, light and deep at the same time.
7. Get a publisher interested in said book I've written
8. Write a script for a full length movie
9. Get paid to do more than answering phones
10. Fall in love

So there are the things I wish to do before I'm 40. For most part I think it's rather doable, but for the last point. And this is due to the fact that I've never been in love. Therefore it seems to me the one that might not be accomplished... But, time will tell! :o)

Thirty And Awesome!

I turned 30 a couple of days ago, and I must say I'm a little disappointed how this week has gone so far. Hopefully tomorrow will be infinetly better, since I'm having my big 30th Birthday party then.

So what has been going wrong? Well it all started when I went on a first date on my last day as a 29-year-old. I walk up to the guy, and he's a spitting image of my uncle! I don't mean there was something familiar about him, or that he slightly resembled my uncle, no I've seen pictures of my uncle when he was 30-35-years old, and I swear, he was standing right in front of me!

But as it turns out, he was a really nice guy (unlike my uncle, actually), and since I felt absolutely no attraction to him, the evening was quite relaxed and nice. Until it came time for goodbyes, and I realised he wanted to kiss me. As you can imagine, I wasn't up for it. So I sneakily ran into the bus just waving goodbye instead. I hardly need to add, there will be no second date.

Then came my birthday. I had taken a day off work, decided to relax and enjoy turning 30, which I did by watching Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back and eating chocolate when that magical moment came. Nerdy, and I loved it!

So on my actual birthday I had a job interview. Not ideal, but what can you do. I'm not actively looking for a job, but when I saw the position open, I felt like I had to apply for it. So instead of the day I had planned for my 30th (which included a lazy brunch at an empty café, reading bad romance novels and going for dinner with my parents) changed rather drastically, since I had to switch on my professional mode. Anyway, I went for the interview, and although I did not get the job, I thought it went rather well. The dinner with my parents went absolutely great, we went to a Finnish restaurant, and for the first time in my life I ate some bear salami, had home brew beer and Sisu-icecream. It was all heavenly and delicious!

On my way home I slipped and scraped my knee. Next morning I slipped and twisted my ankle. The next day I slit a deep cut on my left thumb. So being 30 has come with some injuries!

And to top all this off, a guy I thought I was completely over told me he can't come to my birthday party, and the depression spiral it sent me on was a slight indication, that I may not be as indifferent as I thought I was...

So, I'm 30, stuck in the same job, without a boyfriend and eating chocolate like there's no tomorrow. Hmm...

PS. Oh, I had some Fazer Blueberry Pie chocolate yesterday while I watched The Sure Thing (starring John Cusack), and it was SOOO good. Maybe I don't need men, maybe all I need is chocolate, a good movie and my lovely soft sofa!

To Smile Or Not To Smile...

...That is the question. Now this question is not prompted by depression, but by my friends, who are trying to get me to open up to men more.

So here's my problem: I haven't had a real crush on a real guy since I was in High School. So that was... Umm... A decade ago! God, now I feel old... Anyways, I've met plenty of men since then, I've even dated one guy for 3 years, but I just never met anyone, who would make my hands shake, my knees weak and my throat clench up.

Now I've been informed by my nearest and dearest that it's due to the fact, that I'm too closed up. I don't let guys know that it's okay to approach me. Now, I know that in most cultures men just see a woman they like and go hit on her. In Finland it's a bit different.

Here women are so dominant, that I think men are rather afraid of us. So instead of marching up to a girl and giving her some cheesy line, most Finnish men just scope the room, try to find someone who's most likely not to laugh at them and then make the approach.

Aparently I look like a laugher. And to be fair, I probably am too sarcastic and hard to impress, but that's the way I'm wired. I know that to change my current situation, I have to make some changes in myself, but I really don't want to change who I am. I have high standards. So sue me.

So now I'm trying to learn to be more easily approachable. I have a goal that I'd smile at least once a day to an attractive man. Maybe if I start noticing men, they'll start noticing me. It's at least worth a shot!

* * *

Back again!

Sorry. I've been away for a reeeeaaally long time, but I've got excuses! Not reasons though, just excuses... ;o)

My whole year up until now has been crazy hectic, and now I've just been too tired and lazy to update my blog. And on top of it all, I had my heart bruised, so I've been a little down. My heart isn't broken, just a little bruised. Basically I wasn interested in someone I thought was interested in me, but as it turns out, he wasn't. Or at least not enough so. And I ain't about to beg anyone to like me. So if he's not that into me, he's just not.

That being said, it does sting. The rejection, it always stings. Even when it's a guy you're not really that into, it stings. And this was a guy I really thought we had a connection with. Anyhoo, it didn't work out.

So as to my weight-loss, amazingly enough, even though I've been kind of down and feeling blue lately, I've finally dragged myself back to -30kg's! And it feels great! So I'm not that devastated!

What I've been doing lately is just cut bread and all obvious carbs from my diet. So I've had one slice of whole wheat rhye bread a day with my lunch salad, but other than that, I've had no bread. Also still avoiding pasta, rice and sugar. So far so good!

So I hope all of you out there are still doing great! I'm feeling better and getting over my bruised heart. I'm just trying to remember, that like a Finnish band called Don Huonot says it (now this is a loose translation):
"No-one has yet invented a bullet-proof heart,
So there's no point in fearing the shot,
'Cos lonelyness will slowly dig out that same hole."

So I try to remember that if you don't get your heart bruised every now and again, you will break it eventually anyway. You can't find love if you're not willing to take the chance of being hurt.

* * *

The real Truthiness

My truthiness:
A) I speak four languages fluently - this is not true. I speak two languaged fluently (Finnish and English), one language rather well (Swedish) and one really, really poorly (French).

B) I'm very remotely related to both the Danish and the Swedish royal families - this is true. I am very remotely related to both royal families, but we're talking about something around the 18th century. So my claim to the throne is really rather slim!

C) I've had a pet hamster named Mimi - nope, I've never had any furry pets due to allergies, only fish, and even they ate each other, since I forgot to feed them...

D) My favourite book in the whole wide world is Charles Dickens's Great Expectations - No way, I hated that book! Can't help it, but Dickens just isn't my cup of tea!

E) I love skiing - Nope, and unfortunately skiing is a mandatory part of the Finnish currilicum for sports. But the last time I skied was back in Junior High, and boy was it blood and tears!

F) I think that cleanliness is next to godliness - No, I think that as long as the place is sanitary, a little mess never hurt anyone. I live in perpetual chaos, since cleaning up is not amongst my favourite things to do, but my apartment is not dirty. Just messy.

G) I've once slept through an earthquake - This is true. When I lived in Belgium I once slept through a minor earthquake. It was minor, but it managed to make a small crack into the wall, and it woke the rest of the family up. I probably just switched sides and wondered when I'd gotten a vibrating bed... ;o)

So there, those are the truths and lies!