The thing about losing weight is that it means giving something up. As much as I'd like to tell you that I'm disgusted by the way I used to eat, its not true. If I could, I would eat just as I did 4 years ago.I've never been in love, so my most intense passions up to date have been for chocolate, pasta and Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano in My So-Called Life. Although you could replace Jordan with for instance Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other dreamy, hunky leading man, who is head over heals in love with the somewhat controversial and excentric leading lady.
But to get back to my original point, my main love affair to date has been with food. I love it. I love to eat it, I love thinking about it, I love planning to do it, I even occasionally love making it. And I hate the fact that my love for food has turned me into this. I find it incredibly unfair that while some people can eat what ever they want and not gain a gram, I can't eat anything without gaining weight.
The truth is that its not solely my eating habits that have made me obese, although I grant you it's about 85% of the reason for it. But the other reason is that I've got the most energy efficient body in the whole freaking universe! Okay, that may not be entirely true, but trust me, if we were living in the stone ages, I would have outlived about 90% of the population in times of starvation! Somehow that thought really isn't very comforting now that I'm living in 2010 with plenty of food around me...
But the main thing is that I know I have no choise about this. Well, I do, but the other choise is to eat myself to death, so I think I'll pass on that one. So I stick to my diet and try to accept the fact, that I'll never have the luxury of eating what I want when I want without any thought for consequences.
So now I've been one week on this new Low Carb diet. So far so good, although I guess I went a little over board with protein in the morning, and it made me feel nauseaus. But now I've corrected it with adding more fruits to my breakfast, and I'm feeling great again!
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I know that feeling, that giving up and not eating when ever and what ever as I please. I think that this is the core of it all, to ackowledge this loss. I wish that at some point I could let myself to go just like before but the more time goes by the better I understand that eating freely is not a thing that is going to happen to me before my 80s.
ReplyDeleteSo just 50 years to go, before I can let loose and eat anything I want! Great! ;o)
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