It's the end of January

I've managed to hold my 5 days of VLCD this month, ended yesterday. The last day was really difficult. I kept fantasizing about food, my neighbors cooked something that smelled really delicious and I felt annoyed. But it's done now, began my day today by eating porridge, had some wok for lunch and am now planning on going to town with my laptop, eat a salad and write some.

I've been really busy this December and January with a project I made with my friends. We did a video parody of soap operas mixed with some Film Noir style. It was so much fun to do, and I'm really proud of the end result, but it sure did take a lot of energy to do it. Fortunately there were two of us who took charge of the thing, so I didn't have to do all by myself, but still, I was the director and the editor, so the majority of the work did land on my shoulders.

January was a hard month for me, harder than I expected. Nothing overwhelming, but I did find it harder to monitor my eating, when so many thing seemed to go wrong / stress me out. For instance, I got a wedding invitation, which in itself would have been nice, but the groom is my ex-boyfriend and the bride used to be one of my closest friends. They started dating 2 weeks after we broke up, and the interest was clear while we were dating. It was actually one of the reasons I dumped him, because I realized they were interested in each other.

It's been... 6 years, but I still find it hard to forgive her. With my ex, we talked it out back then and we're fine, but my friend never apologized to me or showed any kind of remorse for making me feel miserable and worthless. So when I got the invitation I contemplated for a while, feeling some kind of morbid fascination to see the whole shebang, but thanks to my mom, soon realized I'd only be ripping open old wounds and make myself miserable. So I'm not going.

On top of all that fun, I've been sick, over stressed and tired. So I had all the chances to spiral into a bingeing craze, but fortunately I didn't. So as of this morning, my weight is at a reasonable 121 kg's. Hope that next month I can tell you it's under 120.

New Year's Resolution

Well, this is not really a New Year's Resolution since I made it in late November, but it's close enough I suppose!

What I'm going to try this year is the following: 5-10 days / month I'm going to do the VLCD -diet (Very Low Calorie Diet) so that I'll have 800 kcal / day. The rest of the month I'm going to try to eat healthy enough to keep the weight off. (Well, most of it, VLCD gets your fluids going so that there's probably going to be about 1 kg's gain after every VLCD batch).

I'm hoping that this will make me lose about 10-15 kg's in 2012. (My weight this morning was 122,4 kg's, so that would mean I'd get to about 110 kg's before next Christmas.)

But more importantly, I'm not going to be too fixated on the grams on my scale, my resolution is to try this method for a year, if it works wonderful, if it doesn't, well too bad. The only thing I'm fairly certain of is that it can't make me GAIN weight...

If I make it, and can go the whole year, I'm going to reward myself with a pair of shoes from www.shoesofprey.com, where you can custom make shoes to your own liking. They're quite expensive (180 € for a medium heel), but it's something I want and I've been thinking about getting something like these zebra shoes I designed.

Anyways, I'll try to keep you posted on a monthly bases on how it goes. Hopefully well!

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

..or at least that's what I'm hoping for. I've been doing my exercises lately and eating more healthy, and it's payed off rather nicely, I've lost 2,6kg's (that's around 5,5 lbs) in 5 weeks. Not particularly impressive, I admit, but considering that I was ill for a week and we had our midsummer celebrations in the cabin (3 days of lovely food and little exercise), I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself!

This week I've gotten back to my 10 min morning exercises, and it has felt great! I've decided that on the weekdays I do 10 min every morning, and on weekends 20 min. I'm such a sleepy head, that I can't fit 20 min into a morning where I have to be at work by 8 a.m. I wish I could, but I know myself. Not gonna happen.

So now I'm just trying to remind myself that even if the progress is slow, it's still progress. I want to amp up my exercises next week; I'm going swimming on Monday and bowling on Thursday. Hopefully this'll push me along so that I'll get under 125 kg's next Sunday. My goal is to get under 120 kg's before my vacation in Thailand in September, and I'm feeling optimistic that I might be able to do it.

Trying to get back on track

I've been a good girl this week, after about 6 months of naughtiness. I've woken up early each day to start with a 10 minute excersice, and I have to say it's made me feel great! Since last autumn I've gained about 10kg's, and I'm not happy. My scale this morning said 127.9kg's and it's not good.

So I have finally decided to do something about it. This week I'm focusing on doing my workouts, as I said I've done 10 minute workouts every morning using a DVD called 10 Minute Solution: Dance Your Body Thin. My favourite workout on it is called Slow And Sexy Moves, mainly because in the mornign, I'm rather slow, if not sexy... :D

In addition I've been taking some short walks, going out bowling and danced by myself this week. I've been trying to remind myself, that no matter how small the exersice, it's still worth doing it, it's still better than nothing!

My goal is to keep this routine up for the next 11 weeks, before I head of to Thailand. I would like to get back to under 120 kg's before the trip, but it might not be possible, after all it's summer, and with it comes ice cream, cold cider and other temptations. But as long as I keep up with working out, I'm sure I can at least be healthier and toner before I go the Thailand and it's beautiful beaches!

Oh, and if I manage to get that 8kg's off before my vacation, I'm going to reward myself with a new travel make-up brush set from Sigma! I love their brushes! http://www.sigmabeauty.com/

The Sound Of Silence

This is too brutal! I've been commanded to be quiet for the next three days! THREE DAYS! Pah, doctors, what do they know...

So here I am, otherwise completely healthy, just without a voice. I saw this as a chance to try the Nutrilett VLCD (very low calorie diet). I thought that since I'm not going anywhere or seeing anyone for three days, I might as well give it a go. So I started today with regular LCD (meaning my intake was about 1000 kcal) and tomorrow I'm gonna try to survive on VLCD (with only 500 kcal). We'll see how it goes... At least I shouldn't have any temptations distracting me, unless I end up eating an expired bottle of ketchup that's been sitting in my fridge since I moved...

My decision to try this was prompted by the fact that I was completely out of control last week. I just couldn't get enough of food. So I gained 1,2 kg's. And now I'm hoping this will rid me of those. (Also, the VLCD pack was on sale at Stockmann's, so...) Wish me luck!

* * *

5th Week of Low Carb...

And it's going better now! I lost 1,1kg's this week, so YEY! I'm still working at getting back to 113, but it definetly looks better!

This week I've been struggling with the question "why am I doing this?" I've been feeling a bit lost and frustrated. The thing about losing weight is that, although it does make me feel better, it doesn't fix everything. I still have my insecurities and I still want to suffocate all the stress and frustration I feel in my life with a 500g bar of Fazerin sininen chocolate or a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Oh, the chocolate, oh the ice cream...

The problem is that eating is the closest I've gotten to falling in love. I know it sounds silly, but it's true. Eating to me was like being in love! The indulgance, the comfort, the sheer thrill of it. And now I've willingly given it up. For what? A life without sugar? A life without chocolate?!?!

Well, I got over my doubts without succumbing to chocolate. But still, I wonder, will I ever find someone who'll make me feel as good as Mr. Karl Fazer and his delicious chocolate...

* * *

No Loss This Week...

I'm a bit disappointed by that, but not ready to give up on the low carb diet just yet. I'll see what the results are this Sunday, and make my decision based on that.

I do wish that the weightloss would get back on track again. It's frustrating to feel like no matter what I do, nothing happens. Although (time for a confession) I've been way too relaxed about exercise. I know I should just make myself get out there and MOVE! It just ain't that simple! I just don't seem to find the time to actually do something about it.

On a positive note, I spent the weekend on a cruise with both of my sisters and my two-year-old niece, and it was fun, fun, FUN! We went from Helsinki to Stockholm, and did a little shopping while there. I got a new gorgeous Too Faced Beautiful and Bronzed palette that has three little bronzers on it. I love it! I'm really pale, so normally bronzers just make me look like I've forgotten to wash my clay mask off... But not this one! It gives a nice healthy glow! And just look at the box, how cute is that?

* * *

Bummer...

So I gained 1,7kg's this week. I'm not surprised, but I am rather bummed out. I spent the whole week trying to recover from the damage I did on my birthday, but aparently it wasn't enough. But I will rally on! Don't you worry! I hope this week to get rid of the 1,7 kg's I aquired and then I'll be able to move on with a clear conscience! :o)

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Week 3 on Low Carb Diet!

Okay, so another loss of 1,5 kg's (3,3 lbs) on Sunday! I'm so happy, although I know that this week won't be so great, as I will be punished for my freebie day. But I don't care! It was my birthday, I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the food and especially the carbs! ;o)

That's what I think is most important about a freebie day: you can't feel guilty about it. I had lots of stuff I shouldn't, but I also kept my head cool, I didn't go over board with the food! And how could I regret it, the cake was AMAZING! ;o)

The most important thing was that on Sunday, when I woke up with a hang-over, I took a bin bag and walked around my apartment throwing away all the high-carb goodness that was left over. Except for the chocolate. I just couldn't throw a practically full box of After Eights into the bin! So I took them to work for my work mates to enjoy. I know, its a bit risky to have them in the same room with me, but I just couldn't throw them away! I guess this'll just show me if I can make it!

So since I did have a freebie day, my goal for this week is to maintain the weight I lost last week or to lose up to 0,5 kg's (~1 lbs). So my expectations are not that high this week, since I tend to get depressed when my expectations are not met.

So I had my birthday last Saturday, and it was a whole lotta fun! My apartment was filled to the rim with my friends and family, everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves and I got some really cool gifts! What more can a girl ask for? Well, a lot, but I'm very pleased with what I got. :o)

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I FIT INTO MY SKINNY JEANS!

It's absolutely fabulous! I got the BEST reward ever today! Today's my birthday party (although the actual birthday is tomorrow), and I fit into my skinny jeans! Sure in my case skinny jeans is EU 50 (US 20), but I don't care! I haven't been able to use these for something like 8 months, but now I'm back in them! Loving it! Tonight is gonna ROCK! :o)

So I'm getting ready for my party tonight. I've bought a lot of low carb food to snack on like nuts, veggies, guacamole etc. I've also bought stuff that is mainly for my friends, not me, the four evil C-words: crisps, cookies, candy and cake. But I'm pretty confident I'll stay reasonable, although tonight is my freebie-day, meaning I can eat what ever I want!

I love my make-up for tonight, I did a version of the Helena Bonham Carter inspired make-up I showed you guys earlier, but glammed it up with some really cool eyeliner and glittery false lashes! I'll post some pictures of it later on!

Okay, I gotto run now, need to do some preparations for tonight! Wish me luck! :o)

* * *

Oh, here's the super-cool cardigan my Mom knitted for me as a birthday present! I love it! Oh, and note the SKINNY JEANS! ;o)

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Craving Chocolate...

It's funny, as long as I'm relaxed and happy, I have no actual need for chocolate. Would I like some? Sure! Do I need it? No.

But when ever things start going a bit sour, I feel the need rising. Like last night, I was really tired and angry at myself for not realising how much (or little) money I have left to spend. So I sat on my sofa, wondering how bad it would really be, if I opened that box of chocolates my friend gave me as a Valentine's Day gift...

I resisted the temptation, thankfully, but it came close. And I think that's the real problem for most of us: Food gives us comfort!

Now the thing with me is that I'm always processing something, always trying to analyse the situation, my situation, my friends situations, etc. My brain just keeps on going, and it gets tireing. I don't want to think all the time, I just want to be and relax, but my brain won't let me. So I found a way to shut up my brain: eating.

When I eat, I go into almost a meditative state. My mind goes blank and the only thing that matters is the taste sensation in my mouth. And that's why I eat. I think that's partially why this Low Carb thing works for me: I get to eat as much as I want, as long as it's low carb! I don't have to stop before I'm ready!

I still feel that the ultimate comfort food for me would be chocolate. I still want it, I just know I don't have to have it. That I can survive and have a happy life even if I don't get a daily dosage of it.

Having said that, I'm never gonna give up chocolate completely. I love it, but I've learned to have just a little of it every now and again, not a whole 500g box of it in one sitting.

* * *

A New Goal

I'm turning 29 this Sunday, and the thought of that made me set a new goal for myself: by my 30th birthday I want to weigh 85kg's (187 lbs), which would make my BMI 29.1 and thus I would be overweight, not obese!

I have no intention of ever getting down to under 7o kg's (which would make me normal weight), since I don't believe that would be comfortable nor abtainable for me, so I've decided I just want to get out of the danger zone and into a moderate weight. I've talked about this with my doctor, and she agrees that 85 kg's is a good goal to have.

So I have 53 weeks to complete this goal, which is great, because acording to the weight loss site I use, my goal should be attainable in 43. BUT I know anything can happen, so I don't want to set my goal too high or too strickt. I mean I'll be turning 30, I think that's enough to deal with without feeling like a complete failure because of unrealistic goals! ;o)

My weight is now 115,2 kg's (253,9 lbs), so to reach my goal I'll have to lose 30 kg's (66 lbs). I'll have smaller goals before that, everytime I lose 5kg's I get something nice for myself. My next reward will be when I reach 113 kg's (I count these losses from my original highest weight of 143,3 kg's). I get a new charm for my charm bracelet, which represents how much I've lost weight!

Do you have any special reward systems?

* * *

Week 2 on Low Carb Diet

Last week was filled with both anxiety and happiness. At one point it seemed like nothing was happening, that I wasn't losing any weight, that in fact I was gaining some, but as always, patience is a virtue! Today I stood on the scale and saw 115,2 kg's on the screen, which means a loss of 1,2 kg's (2,6 lbs)! I'm so happy! My 29th birthday is next week, and I hope to be around 114 by that time!

Last week was definitely about finding the right diet and the right amount of carbs for me. I was very moody in the middle of it, but now I feel great. Don't really know what changed, but something did.

I'm definitely going to keep up with this new diet, since it's working so well! At least for now... If I've learned anything in these past 3,5 years of losing weight, its that there is an element of surprise and unpredictability to it, and that means that when things start going wrong, you have to come up with something new and different to get things back on track.

* * *

Missing my past...

The thing about losing weight is that it means giving something up. As much as I'd like to tell you that I'm disgusted by the way I used to eat, its not true. If I could, I would eat just as I did 4 years ago.

I've never been in love, so my most intense passions up to date have been for chocolate, pasta and Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano in My So-Called Life. Although you could replace Jordan with for instance Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice or Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any other dreamy, hunky leading man, who is head over heals in love with the somewhat controversial and excentric leading lady.

But to get back to my original point, my main love affair to date has been with food. I love it. I love to eat it, I love thinking about it, I love planning to do it, I even occasionally love making it. And I hate the fact that my love for food has turned me into this. I find it incredibly unfair that while some people can eat what ever they want and not gain a gram, I can't eat anything without gaining weight.

The truth is that its not solely my eating habits that have made me obese, although I grant you it's about 85% of the reason for it. But the other reason is that I've got the most energy efficient body in the whole freaking universe! Okay, that may not be entirely true, but trust me, if we were living in the stone ages, I would have outlived about 90% of the population in times of starvation! Somehow that thought really isn't very comforting now that I'm living in 2010 with plenty of food around me...

But the main thing is that I know I have no choise about this. Well, I do, but the other choise is to eat myself to death, so I think I'll pass on that one. So I stick to my diet and try to accept the fact, that I'll never have the luxury of eating what I want when I want without any thought for consequences.

So now I've been one week on this new Low Carb diet. So far so good, although I guess I went a little over board with protein in the morning, and it made me feel nauseaus. But now I've corrected it with adding more fruits to my breakfast, and I'm feeling great again!

* * *

Losing Weight And Men

My feelings about dating and losing weight are somewhat conflicted. On one hand I know it'll be easier to find a man when I get more attractive and thin, but on the other hand I wonder if it means I'll end up with a guy who's too superficial to appreciate me as I am.

Like Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice (BBC, 1995) said: "If I could love a man who would love me enough to take me for a mere £50 a year, I should be very well pleased. But such a man could hardly be sensible, and I could never love man who was out of his wits!" I feel exactly the same way about my weight. I'd want to find a man who'd love me for who I am, no matter how much I weigh, but at the same time I feel that such a man would be somehow weird or deficient.

What I fear most is that I'm waiting for something that doesn't exist for me. That I'm trying to grasp at straws that aren't there!

Now I've heard more than once that I've watched too many romantic movies and that's why my expectations of men are waaaay too high. Now the truth is that my expectations of men have nothing to do with romantic movies (although I do enjoy the brief flight in a care-free fantasy world they offer me).

My reason for having high expectations is this: my parents have been married for 44 years, and are still happy together. My eldest brother has been married for 22 years, my sister for 13 years and my other brother for 12 years, and all of them are happy together. (Just to clarify, I'm the youngest of the family and my siblings are 8-16 years older than me).

So I've seen first hand that marriage can work, that you can find someone you truly love and live happily together with that person! I'm not saying that these marriage's don't have their own problems, but still the problems are small enough for the marriage to work. So I'm not expecting a fairytale romance, I'm just looking for someone who I can fall in love with and who'll love me back. So simple, yet so hard to find!

* * *

First weigh-in after starting Low Carb diet!

Okay, so I've lost 1,5 kg (3,3 lbs) in 5 days! I'm so excited! I'm trying to keep my head cool though, so that when the weight loss starts to wain down, I won't be too bitterly disappointed!

So I got Artifact and Blackground paint pots, and I'm really happy with them! I bought them because I wanted to try out this look by Pixiwoo from YouTube, unfortunately I forgot that she used Quite Natural instead of Artifact. But it still came out really cool, so I really don't mind! And I've got a great excuse to buy another paint pot... ;o)


Here's the tutorial I used:

And here's my rendition of it:



Today my Mom's coming over, and I promised to tell her about this LC diet as well, she wants to try it out. In her case she'll have other challenges though, since she has celiac disease, which prevents her from using the normal wheat based products anyway.

* * *

Day 3 of Low Carb diet...

I woke up this morning feeling fresh and excited! Which I never do. Not at 6 a.m., at least. But today I did! I got up, had a shower, dressed, ate my breakfast and danced around while putting on my make-up. I tell ya, it's hard to do a good make-up look while dancing!

Anyways, the morning was full of hope, I rushed off to work and still felt marvelous! I did begin to feel tired as the day went on, but I'm still amazed at how cheerful and energetic I was so early in the morning! I even thought about doing a little work out, but decided not to, since I didn't want to be late for work.

My food diary for today is rather similar as before, so I won't bother putting it on here, but my nutritional spectre is as follows: 25% protein, 54% fat and 21% carbs.

The site where I keep my food diary has these four balls that tell you whether you've

1. had enough of vegetables
2. if your energy intake is okay
3. if you'd have too many sweets and
4. if you've had enough fibers

I'm glad to say that since I've started eating low carb food I've noticed that getting these balls green is really easy! Before I had to struggle, especially with the fiber ball. Now, it's no struggle, I usually get all the balls to turn green by my lunch time!

The reason I've resisted doing this before was that I was afraid that eating low carb would mean eating only animal fats and giving up veggies. Now I realise that it actually means eating MORE veggies and just giving up sugar, bread and starch. I feel great and I intend to keep on with this to see if I'd be able to fit into that size 46 EU (18 UK, 16 US) dress by this summer!

Oh, and here's the dress I want to wear at my friends wedding this summer (in purple though), and it's from Halens:

* * *

Day 2 of Low Carb diet...

So far so good! I stuck to my plan last night, and I even managed to resist the oh-so delicious chocolates some evil spirits had brought to my office. Damn those evil spirits... But I'm so proud of myself!

So, today is another day, and I've already been planning what to eat. I've realised that that is one of the most important thing about losing weight: planning! I always fill my diary after breakfast for the rest of the day, so I know what to expect. Sometimes I do change it afterwards, and that's okay, but most of the time I do go by what I've planned.

If I stick to my plan today, I will get 1870 kcal's and of those 35% will be protein, 32% will be fat (of which 32% will be good ones) so that leaves 33% for carbs. I'm still happy with that, so I think that'll be fine for today!

On a side note, I havent heard from Jim since last Sunday. I think it's fair to assume, that he's just not that into me. A couple of other guys have contacted me, but quite frankly, they didn't seem to be that bright. I can live with just about anything else, but a man who seems illiterate and unintelligent.

* * *

Day 1 of Low Carb diet...

Okay, so I'm going ahead with this low carb thing. I'm not going to start drinking cream or eating bacon and eggs each morning, I just won't believe that that's healthy, no way, nu-huh... Instead I'm going to be cutting out bread, pasta, sugar and starch rich vegetables (potatoes etc.)

So here's how I'm starting my first day:

Breakfast:
Quark with berries and sweetener, coffee and a handful of plain peanuts
(320 kcal)

Lunch:
A cheese salad with two slices of rye bread (12% fiber) and butter
(590 kcal)

Snack:
An orange
(90 kcal)

Dinner:
A chicken-mozzarella salad with mayo
(630 kcal)

Snack:
Quark with berries and sweetener with some vegetable oil (since otherwise I won't get enough good fats)
(365 kcal)

Total: ~2000 kcal

I'm pretty happy with my plan for today, I'll be getting 30% of my nutrition from protein and 44% from fat (and 33% of those are good fats), which leaves 26% for carbs. I think that sounds about right!

* * *

Thinking About Carbs...

As I mentioned before, I've been living my new healthy lifestyle for 3,5 years now, and I've been stuck on this weight for about a year. Lately I've been losing some weight thanks to the Alli-product, but it's still been a slow process. So when a friend of mine called and told me that she had lost 2,5kg's in one week on a low carb diet, I must admit I was intrigued.

I did a little research today, and as far as I can tell, the most important thing is to lose white flour, white sugar and starch from your diet. Now since I already it mostly rye bread with at least 6% of fibre and I hardly ever eat anything sweet, I think this might be doable for me. The only problem is pasta. I love pasta. Don't even need a lot of sauce on it, just give me a bowl of pasta with a little tomato sauce on it, and I'll be happy as Larry! ;o)

The thing is that carbs are in just about everything. For instance I had a plan that I'd start eating quark every morning, thinking it was high in protein and low in carbs. Well that's true with the unsweetened stuff, which now man alive would eat just as it is. Sure I could put some berries in it, but there's no way they'd sweeten that up enough for me to enjoy it.

I don't know, I'm curious about this, but still a bit hesitant. Anyone have great experiences with low carb diet? Should I just go for it?

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